A Spiritual Reflection on Fathers' Day

[I was asked to prepare comments for a reflection on Fathers' Day to be shared with the congregation at the Saturday evening mass at the Saint Francis of Assisi parish on Saturday, June 20, 2009. The following blog generally reflects my comments from that event.]

I was flattered when asked to provide this Fathers’ Day reflection, as I often don’t think of myself as a father. How could I possibly be that old? I’m still a kid! But with three children of our own and having had helped raise six foster children, I guess that my wife and I qualify as “real-life parents.”

Thinking about Fathers’ Day has given me with the opportunity to reflect on what has shaped me… what has inspired me to become the kind of father that I am. It’s probably only natural for me to think of my own Dad as the key architect of that job. It was interesting that today’s Gospel helped to remind me of my Dad. Not the part where Jesus called out to the storm, “Quiet! Be still!” Although if I had a nickel for every time that I heard that... Rather it was the part of the Gospel where Jesus asks the disciples “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?”

Let me explain. You see my Dad has always taken great pride in being a teacher to all of his children. My Dad is a hard working, self-made man who has found success in many different aspects of his life. He made a sincere effort to teach my two sisters, my brother and me everything that he knew; and he encouraged all four of us to further our education, to learn even more as we set-out on our own. Then as young adults, when we were faced with a question or dilemma, he would only need to look at us, as if to say, “Why are you asking me? Don’t you know that you already have the answer?” Just like the disciples, we did not realize that we had already been taught all that we needed to know; there was no reason to be terrified.

This helped me realize that being a father means that you are a very important teacher to your children. They will follow your lead, consider your opinions and learn from your example. Knowing this, I am much more aware of what I teach my children. I must be an example today that will help prepare them for tomorrow.

I have learned a great deal from all of the men in my family. My Dad, grandfathers and uncles have each provided examples of what it means to be a father. Beyond all of the usual roles of provider, caregiver, confidant and sometimes even family peacekeeper, I believe that the father-figures in my life have helped me to understand that one of the most important things that I must strive to be is a good role model. As a good father, I must put selfish interests aside and make a sincere effort to do the right thing. To make intelligent and thoughtful decisions that will benefit all who may be affected. Being a father has helped me to learn how to care for the less fortunate, those who need assistance from a strong helping hand. Fathers know how to encourage the timid; those who seek the courage to create success in their own lives. And I have learned that fathers unconditionally love those who need the strong support of someone who sincerely cares. This may be even more important today then what it was only a generation or two ago. You see, just as many of the men in my family have been an example for me, I see my job as a father not only to be a strong Christian role model for my two daughters and son, but also for the many other children and sometimes even adults who may not have a father figure in their lives.

One thing that my Dad did not prepare me for was all of the things that being a father would wind-up teaching me! I’ve learned how to be a better listener, to be compassionate and patient. However, the most important thing that I may have learned from being a father is to be respectful. I believe being a father has helped me to better respect the gift of life, our natural resources and our environment. I respect the value and rewards that come from honest, hard work. I lovingly respect my mother, my wife and all of the other women in my life who have helped to support my role as a father. I respect my Dad, and the many lessons that he has taught me. He taught me to respect our military men and women, and the freedom and rights that they honorably defend. I also respect our religious leaders, the friars, priests, deacons and brothers who are our earthly spiritual fathers. And of course I respect our Heavenly Father, who has given us all of these blessings and many more.

For many people, it seems that being respectful can be a challenge. When I was a young man, I often found myself at odds with my Dad. However, over time I learned that disagreeing with my Dad did not mean that I could not respect him, to appreciate where he was coming from. As I have gotten older, this experience with my Dad has helped to strengthen my relationship with God, and it has helped me to contend with the challenges of our fast-paced, self-centered, lives. I have grown wiser and my faith has grown stronger. I have learned to respect the Church and its leadership even when I may disagree with them. I can appreciate where they are coming from. I hope that Fathers’ Day is a reminder for all of us to respect and appreciate our father figures, especially God our Father.

Preparing these comments has helped me to realize that Fathers’ Day is so much more than a celebration of fathers. It’s a celebration of all of the people who help dads carry out their important role each and every day. So speaking for fathers everywhere, I thank you for helping us look good and I wish you all a very blessed and happy Fathers’ Day.

Jar Full O' Marbles

Yikes, it's been over a month since my last blog post. I've been keeping rather busy with my job, spring yard work, the family and other obligations. Sadly, those distractions have allowed time to slip away from me. That can be a dangerous thing.

I used to be frightened about letting time go by so fast that I would forget about the really important things in life; God, family, friends... all of those things that often bring regret or guilt once you realize that you've been missing them. Years ago, I was fortunate enough to come across an idea to track time that is worth sharing. The concept is to track time visually and to actively participate in a countdown. Being physically involved in the process helps to make certain that you maintain perspective on what amount of time may remain ahead for you.

Here's how it works. I keep a set of glass jars next to my nightstand that are full of marbles. There are a specific number of marbles; one for each week that I may expect to be alive.

Yes, I know this sounds a bit morbid, but bear with me.

After making an assumption on how long that I may expect to live, barring some type of fatal accident or illness (see Centers for Disease Control and Prevention - Life expectancy), I purchased a quantity of marbles that represented the number of weeks that may remain in my life. Then, each week I remove a marble to be discarded, and contemplate the number that remain in the jars.

Over the course of time, the number of marbles has visibly gotten smaller. Enough so, that I am reminded about how short our time on earth is. How important it is to cherish the time that we have. How our lifestyle choices may have an impact on the number of marbles that remain in those jars.

Although some may find this idea sad or depressing, I find it rather uplifting. When I see the jars in my bedroom each day, I think about how fortunate I am to have so much time left to live a fulfilling life and how important it is to be grateful for the time that has already passed. The marbles remind me to love my wife and children. To spend time with my parents and friends. To live my life in a way that is spiritually fulfilling.

Those simple glass jars filled with marbles have helped me to live my life with no regrets. If your life is going by too quickly, you may want to consider doing something similar. After all, marbles are very cheap, and life is much too valuable.

Human Powered Search

I've been toying with Mahalo.com for the last few days, and specifically with the web site's special feature: Mahalo Answers. It's a very interesting concept. According to the Mahalo site, "Mahalo is a human-powered search engine that creates organized, comprehensive, and spam free search results for the most popular search terms. Our search results only include great links." The idea is that a staff of folks at Mahalo manage the search index to filter out the garbage. It works as advertised.

With Mahalo Answers, folks like you provide the answers to the other visitors questions. I found this much more intriguing than the standard Mahalo search function. Essentially, Mahalo has harnessed the expertise of the public so that they can assist each other with questions that range from hum drum to hypothetical to genuinely very, very interesting.

People who answer questions are rewarded with points, with the opportunity to earn bonuses for having the best answer. Those who take the task seriously can actually earn enough credits to get paid a small amount of cash.

At first I was skeptical, but after reviewing a sample of the questions and answers over the course of a few days I have been left rather impressed. For every question, there is a handful of experts out there in the ether who can provide an accurate response much quicker than what it would take to find the answer through independent research. Most questions appear to get answered in a matter of several minutes; even some of the more complex technical queries (e.g. "How can I modify my wife's 2005 Prius so that the accessory plugs remain live when the engine is off?").

The beauty is that people like you and I often have expertise in something. Mahalo offers us all the opportunity to share that expertise with the rest of the world. Often with people who share similar interests (e.g. "Where can I download/view the Star Wars graphic novels?")

A couple of issues are apparent. One, not all of the people answering questions appear to be bona fide experts, so you must be able to maintain a healthy level of awareness to ascertain if the answer is reasonable; and two, a lot of the questions are kind of goofy (e.g. "Who will give me the best rate on car insurance?"). Mahalo monitors the questions and answers, providing a kind of moderator role. However, they do seem to allow many of the rather silly questions remain. Maybe I expect people to have a bit more common sense than what they possibly are capable of having.

The clever folks at Mahalo have also tapped into the power of Twitter and Facebook to make it even easier to post questions to Mahalo Answers from these popular social media services. They also categorize the questions into a rather lengthy list of useful groups. It has all been well designed up to this point.

Of course there is more than one way to ask questions on line. I have seen Twitter used in this manner (posting questions to the Twitter public for a response), but the vast majority of Twitter users are not monitoring the public timeline waiting for questions that they may be qualified to answer. You can also seek out a forum of experts who may be able to assist, but that in itself can be challenging, especially if you are not certain what type of expert may be qualified to answer your question. Mahalo has solved that problem by providing a web site where questions are consolidated, making it easier for experts of many kind to provide helpful assistance.

There will always be a place for the universal power of an index powered search service like Google, but I believe that Mahalo has found a niche that will hold its own for some time to come. The ultimate power of the "Human Powered Search." I recommend that you give it a try.

Another Birthday

Well happy birthday to me. Another year has somehow passed by without me noticing. They tend to do that.

Celebrating my birthday always makes me think of my parents. On a sentimental note, I think of the decision that they made to have a fourth child, conceived several years after their third. Thank you for choosing life Mom and Dad.

My parents have told me for years that time goes by more quickly the older you get. I never quite understood what they meant by that when I was younger, as everyone was stuck with 24 hours each day, and time was measured using the same atomic clock for everyone. However, they have once again been proven to be oh so wise. It didn't take long for me to realize that the busier my life became, the faster the days, the weeks the hours would fly by. Now as my wife and I try to keep-up with three busy kids of our own, we can hardly believe how the seasons come and go.

Birthdays also make me think of my parents because of the perpetual gift dilemma... What do you buy your parents for their birthday? As children, this is a very frustrating situation. You would like to buy a nice gift to recognize your parents' special day. However, what do you buy somebody who pretty much has everything that they need? Oh sure, it would be great to present them with a 'round the world cruise or a new car, but financial realities moderate those ideas rather quickly.

When we ask our parents what their wishes are, the response is usually something like "Oh just keep your money, there's no need to buy us anything." That just won't do though, as we are compelled to try and make them feel special with a gift, so we usually wind-up giving them something that is either very practical ("Dad says to just get him some new socks.") or very impractical ("Oooh! Another flower vase!").

The humorous side to this story is that for all of the complaining I have done to my parents about this, I now find myself in the very same situation. Our children are in their teens and usually have enough pocket change to want to buy Mom and Dad a little something for their birthdays. Trouble is, we don't really need anything either, so we repeat the same speech "...there's no need to buy us anything," while our children desperately try to choose between the socks or the flower vase.

Whenever your birthday is, happy birthday to you.

If it's Fat Tuesday, it must be Paczki Day!

Ugh! My belly is full. I have been literally overdosing on my favorite Polish pastry... paczki.

Paczki (correctly pronounced as 'ponch - key') are only around for a short time each year. The tasty treats are special-made as a pre-Lenten tradition, making their appearance for only a week or two before Ash Wednesday.

The pastry is often mistaken for a simple, jelly-filled doughnut. However, it is much more than that. The dough is extremely rich, containing plenty of eggs, fat, sugar, milk and yeast. They are filled with one of several different types of tasty fillings, such as custard, prune or raspberry. After frying, the paczki is coated with powdered or granulated sugar, or light icing. The flavor and smell of the dough is noticeably strong. It's difficult to eat more than one, unless you are a gluttonous binge-eater like me.

I grew-up in Michigan City, Indiana, a small town near Chicago that has a Polish-American community that still celebrates many ethnic traditions. My family would make paczki, as well as buying some from the local bakeries. I fondly recall the yeasty smell and wonderful flavor of these treats. My grandmother used to tell me that making paczki was a way to clean out the cupboards and icebox of all those ingredients that would not be needed during Lent; the 40 days before Easter when Catholics sacrifice some of the luxuries of our normal lifestyle.

Now that I live in the wasteland of suburbia in Northern Virginia, my Polish-American heritage is somewhat lost. The area is a great melting-pot of cultures from around the world, but that has also resulted in many of our cultural traditions being lost or watered-down. However, I was not about to give up on having my annual fix of paczki!

After soliciting the help of some friends that live near Chicago, and making a few phone calls, I found a 'qualified' bakery (i.e. a bakery that actually knew how to make a real paczki; confirmed by the fact that the women I spoke to could hardly speak English through her thick Polish accent!). They agreed to ship a couple dozen of the pastries to me via overnight delivery. Thanks to the good folks at Delightful Pastries in Chicago, I have been eating more than my share of apricot, boozy custard, plum, raspberry and rose petal jam paczki for the last four days.

Now that I am dizzy from the rush of carbohydrates, I am properly prepared for the beginning of Lent. And honestly, I've had enough paczki until this time next year.